Visigoths

This past Saturday found us heading downtown to a concert and with all of the detours because of construction, we had to go down some heavily trafficked side streets. Lo and behold, we had the utmost joy of encountering this delightful guy. He was coming out of the parking lot of the beer store, pedaled his way into traffic without looking or caring, causing a couple of cars to take drastic measures to avoid hitting this future Darwin Award winner. Then, of course, heads right towards us, head on. We had nowhere to go. He had choices, though. But the choice he selected was to pedal his bike while balancing his beer purchase on the handlebars and yelling some generic racist crap, getting in his way, blah, blah, blah. Delightful lad.

Here is where I get my inspiration to sketch these modern days ignoramuses. 

Visigoths

I swear this guy had hair on his knuckles. Why do they all look the same? Does their inner moron seep out into a physical manifestation? I don't know, but anyways, this clueless simpleton was a split second away from his skeletal structure being seriously compromised by the front end of my jeep. He literally stepped out in front of me without even thinking of looking. I couldn't even break, that's how close I was. All I could do was swerve away, hoping that no other vehicle was coming in that direction. And his response, you ask? He stood in the street, again, without looking for cars and puffed out his arms with an angry 'didn't YOU see ME' type of expression. He did have his phone in hand, but hadn't yet put it to ear (which I'm assuming was as hairy as his knuckles), so he wasn't distracted by that. He just wasn't going to look at all. 

Future. Organ. Donor.

Here's a link as to the inspiration for these periodical updates on our societal condition.

Visigoths

I haven't done one of these in awhile and everyone knows that there's a whole lotta stupid out there, but this guy was all kinds of special. I was driving down a very busy road in a blizzard this morning when I see this guy walking towards me. In traffic. Cars swerving to avoid hitting him, sliding all over the place. So, walking in traffic, in a snowstorm is better than getting wet feet walking on the sidewalk? And to top it off, he was dressed for the weather, snowsuit, boots and all. And still he walks in traffic. I swear, common sense left our society sometime ago. 

Oh, and he gave me a dirty look. All I could think of was Sheriff Buford T. Justice lines...

Here a link to what these little cartoons are inspired by.

Visigoths

I haven't had one of these posts in awhile, but the weather is getting nicer, so the assholes are coming out of the lairs and out into society. So, yesterday, I was out and about and coming up on a busy intersection. Everyone was slamming on the brakes and swerving. Why, you ask? Because of this piece of crap. What has become an all too popular phenomenon in these here parts, douchebags will walk out into traffic and hold their heads high in their self nobleness. Walking slowly with heads held high in aggression they dare someone to not respect their authority, or whatever it is that they are trying to prove. I'm almost sure it's a lawsuit they are looking for and they are preying on people's good nature that they will not run over a dumb ass who is too ignorant not to walk out into traffic, so it appeases some insecurity that they have. So, this specimen walked out on a green light just before the intersection and when the cars had to come to a sudden stop he stopped and stroked his beard.

He was even wearing a Cosby sweater.

Here is a little insight into the genesis of these posts. 

Visigoths

Before I start in on this  special person, I'd like to explain a little about the inspiration for these posts. I base my little cartoons on a graduation speech that the communications theorist Neil Postman gave awhile back on Athenians and Visigoths. It's a good read and like Postman says, this is not completely historically accurate, but are used as metaphors. I do the same with these cartoons. They are my way of dealing with the willfully ignorant among us in a fun and humorous fashion. But, I encourage all to read Postman's speech, it's food for thought. 

So, on to the moron who graced my presence last week when I was on my way from Detroit to West Bloomfield to work on some private sculptures. I was in the far left lane and needed to get over to the freeway. No one was in front and behind was completely packed with cars, bumper to bumper. My choices were obviously limited, so I waited to see how traffic would go. No one was moving from their current positions, so I sped up a little with my turn signal on. The guy next to me was having none of that and sped up just so I couldn't get over. The cars behind him kept pace, so there was no going that way. He just wasn't going to let me over. Well, I made my way over after a bit, basically cutting him off and he immediately slowed down. What makes someone who is all alone be such a dipshit? I added color to this one because he looked oh so special with his thick, white 80's sunglasses, chin up, never moving his head one way or the other. I'm sure he thought he was the shit. 

They are everywhere.

Visigoths

This is what was said to me as I commented on seeing a crow chase away a hawk. Sigh...

Visigoths

I can bitch up a storm about idiot drivers. And today was no different. There was an idiot driver on the road today that did something stupid and that driver was me.  I drove right through a funeral procession. I thought some guy ran a red light and was focused on not hitting him when I looked over and saw the funeral flags. Luckily, that driver was paying attention and saw me in plenty of time. But.... I felt like crap and was fortunate enough to only feel embarrassed. So, today I am that idiot.

Visigoths

So, last week this beautiful mind pulls out into traffic doing about ten miles per hour causing me to hit the breaks before plowing into him. He then proceeds to go even slower if that's possible and as I try to go around him he drifts over to cut me off. Finally, he gets over as driving is a very difficult thing and I can get past this danger to everyone. As I look over he has the universal sign of aggression (and I give him the universal sign for hello) with the lifted chin and smug look. Another moron who's only purpose is to get in the way.

Sigh. Probably another Trump supporter.

Visigoths

And there's this guy. Unfortunately, I have to live across the street from him. He is one of those ex-convict, anti-government (so, he can commit more crimes), anti-nature (offended by it, actually), racist ( he usually has a confederate flag flying in between his red bow Christmas decorations), redneck(shoot everything and everybody) type of loser. His mugshot is entertaining. He usually acts up when I'm not around, but my wife has no tolerance for this guy and gives him shit when he deserves it. So, a few weeks ago he is blowing the leaves on his lawn across the street to our side because we have a big tree with lots of leaves. When my wife confronts him, he says 'they aren't his leaves.' Awesome. And being the type that he is, intelligence is a strong skill with him. The leaves on his lawn probably weren't ours to begin with, because the wind usually blows from west to east, not north to south.

When I see him next )of course, he is never around when I'm home), I'll be sure to tell him that the cigarette butts that he flicks on my lawn aren't mine when I flick them back.

If you are wondering what that is behind his head, that's a rat's nest he calls hair. Or what's left of it.

ISISSY

In response to yesterday's cowardly attacks in Paris, I was compelled to do a cartoon, as one such as I is wont to do. The pen is mightier than the sword as ISIS knows all to well, with their fear of cartoons. They shall from this day forward be know as terrorists from ISISSY and here is how you can spot one.

Visigoths

So.... this guy.

As I was returning home today from The VBWorks I pulled up to a light where there was a dump truck pulling a trailer and two other cars in front of me. The guy right in front of me pulls over to jump in front of the dump truck. I think, good idea, because he will probably be slow as heck. So, light turns green, the guy in front of me looks up into his rearview mirror at me and just sits there. Just long enough for me to get stuck by the dump truck. Said guy flies around him. So, I have to wait a bit for the road to widen, then I go around. I pull up behind this dude, not thinking too much about what he was about. Then, as the road widens he drifts into the middle and slows down making sure to look at me in his mirror. I put my hands up, thinking "what the heck is going on here?' I wasn't speeding nor riding his tail. We get up to the light and he rolls his window down and is screaming at me asking me if I know how to drive. Every other word is an expletive. I say, sure I do. Do you? He then proceeds to say 'how dare you ask me that! I'm a police officer!' I respond my saying, 'at which mall?' He hits the ceiling. He was trying so hard to justify his poor driving by abusing his job as a rent-a-cop, I thought he was going to blow a gasket. When I showed absolutely no respect for him, you know, trying to impersonate a police officer, he sped off. I got in the final FU, though.

Of course, this is a stylized cartoon of the prick, but I think I nailed his expression. I should have asked him for his badge number and precinct. He would have exploded.

Visigoths, or Another Tough Guy

So, this happened about a month ago. I was talking to a neighbor and he was going on about some potential hoodlums or some such thing and he gave the typical gun guy answer to all non-situations, which is shown in the top panel. You know what I'm talking about, guys who are never really in any type of danger, but are armed to the teeth. So, then this wasp (everything is a bee to some, but it was a wasp) flies by and well, you know how tough guys are......

Visigoths

Like my last Visigoth post, this one a minor transgression, but since I haven't posted much in between doing some larger projects, a bunch of sketch cards, a weathervane and cleaning and restoring statues, here's a quick sketch from a brief encounter.

As I was leaving Kevin's house this afternoon, there were a few younger teenagers on their bikes in the street right at the end of the driveway. I actually had to back up farther and go around them as they wouldn't move. As I driving by, one of the kids nods his head to me with the usual "I'm a arrogant dumbfuck' look that one gets when dealing with such a lot. I had the impulse to roll down my window and give him a teachable moment and tell him that little boy assholes only impress other little boy assholes.

But, I took the high road.

Sigh.

Visigoths

So, this encounter actually happened a couple of months ago, but haven't updated about these kinds of critters because I've been pretty busy. Anyways, this old guy was driving his car all over the place. Not in a clueless pattern, he knew exactly what he was doing, not giving a rat's ass what anyone else though or was doing. So, he cuts me off, zips up, cuts off another lady, does it again and when he's satisfied that he has pissed off the appropriate amount of people, he slows down to the speed limit. After a bit, I get up along side him and am ready with the finger, and I see the bald old guy with a sneer of his face, but with the most ridiculous, yet awesome set of thick red glasses I've ever seen. Elton John meets WW II bomber. My irritation really subsided at this point, because this guy has a story, a real character. I won't use the 'people suck' label o this guy, he gets a pass.

Oh yeah, and he could care less about what I thought....

Visigoths

It seems so weird that I haven't run across too many of these Visigoths lately, but I did today. This choad and his wife were delightful. As we were walking across the parking lot of a diner on our way for lunch this car that had pulled in before us apparently bumped the car next to them setting off the alarm. They scurried in front of us and Tina made a comment as to how they didn't seem to mind doing what they did only wanting to get ahead of everyone else going into the diner. Well, they heard this and this rodent (why do they all look like rodents?) stared me down going in and while waiting to be seated. I think he was grinning his rodent grin even after sitting. I thought I was in junior high again for a moment. I will never understand people who do questionable acts and then when someone sees them doing said act they get cocky and childish.

I did like his patchwork beard kind of thing, though. It added to the rodent mentality.

Visigoths

Here's another wonderful driver. My buddy Bill and I were on our way through Detroit to go to a meeting to discuss an upcoming gallery show and we were driving west on I-94 to the Lodge. Now, anyone who is familiar with this interchange, it's not a difficult one. Well, this cretin flies up on me and does the whole weaving back and forth to let me know that she wants me to get out of her way. I'm doing above the speed limit and there are cars ahead of me. Nowhere for me to go. This type of behavior really pisses me off and considering how close she was to my jeep, I slowed down to the speed limit. Not good enough for Mama Cass as she sped even closer, not thinking that was possible. As we finally entered the new freeway she flies up and around me nearly hitting me in the process. Then, she proceeds to cut off a couple more drivers and gets off at the exit for Motor City casino forcing other drivers to veer out of her way. Of course, she was doing something that was as life and death as gambling away her money. Other people's lives be damned!

Of course, besides having a huge head, it was swept back to a point and she had the usual Visigoth features; angry expression, huge protruding brow, sneer, etc. She had a mouth that looked like something straight out of a Dr. Suess book, very Grinch-like. Plus, her hair was pulled back way too tight at the top of her head. I should be a little more compassionate, as she was probably in a lot of pain.

Well, that's it for this week's episode of the Visigoths. Stay tuned for more, I'm sure.

Visigoths

It seems that those who are the loudest and the dumbest and the most aggressive are the ones that people listen to and follow. Just look at politicians.

Well, this wonderful specimen thought just that about himself. As I was waiting my turn at the gas station for an available pump, this douche in his Chrysler 300 whips around just as a person was leaving cutting off not only myself, but another waiting driver, as well. Then, to add to his arrogance, he stops and doesn't back into the space, but continues talking on his cell phone (yes, of course, there was a cell phone involved). I have no patience for selfish, arrogant morons, so I pulled into the spot. Well, he leans out his window calling me an asshole and that I cut him off, blah, blah, blah. Before he could finish, I unloaded on him, actually surprising myself at how quick it all came out. He sped away.

And he actually had to show me his cell phone.

Visigoths

Most of these Visigoths are behind the wheel sadly enough, as was this winner. They never seem to understand that driving is a privilege and not a right. So, this enlightened soul didn't affect me directly other than I wasn't going fast enough for him so he rode my tail for a few seconds. I was even going over the speed limit, too. So, he speeds around me and does his performance for other drivers letting all of them know that he is on the road and that you should either get out of his way or admire his cheesy clown car. Of course with individuals such as this guy, they never seem to know exactly where that are going just as long as they can scitter across the road like a drunken insect with no purpose. And for his finale, as he is behind me and in the far left lane he decides it's wise to cut straight across traffic in the next two lanes to get gas at a BP station. Of course it's a BP station. Where else would a douchebag get his gas from?

And what is it about these Visigoths that they all resemble one another, despite race, age, sex, etc. They all seem to share similar features, i.e. sagging half open eyes, high sloping forehead, protruding lower jaw and a heavy and thick brow. Oh, and a cell phone.

Beware the Visigoths, they are everywhere.

Visigoths

So, what came first, the asshole or the pick up truck? Do assholes just gravitate towards pick ups or do they become one after owning one? I'm talking about the big battle cruiser, I have a small penis, more money than brains type pick up here.

This delightful guy cuts me off forcing me to hit the breaks so that he didn't run me over, then proceeded to do the same to four other vehicles in the span of minutes. Most of these cars were going slightly over the speed limit, but that wasn't cool enough for this choad. As he gets stuck behind someone slow and I pass him (which almost always happens with these guys) I notice the plethora of manly stickers on the back window. You know the ones, hunting stickers, kill 'em all, let god sort it out stickers, Calvin peeing on whatever stickers, you know, manly stuff. I get a good luck at him and he is hiding behind his arm, as is always the case, camo hat, cig, sunglasses, scowl, etc. The full costume and props going in full effect.

Little, little minds, a cancer affecting all.

They are everywhere.

Visigoths

I'm going for a ride on a B-17 today. But before I go, I thought I'd share this quick sketch.


So, this guy wasn't so much a thorn in my side as he was to himself. There were three cars in front of me and two coming the other way and this joker with his hipster hat was trying his best to flip his skateboard and land back on it. In the street. With traffic coming in both directions. Now, it was apparent that this thirty something was just learning new tricks and one would think that one would do this at this stage of learning in an empty parking lot or a backyard, at least. Not in traffic. And the look of disdain on the face of this little princess said it all. Momma said he could.

A definite prospect for the Darwin Awards.

The hat makes it all worthwhile.

Did I mention that I'm going for a ride on a B-17 today?